Mind the Gap

To borrow a title from a well-known children's book, October 7, 2018 was a "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day"! For first time readers, my wife, Carole, went home to Jesus on that day. She woke up to Heaven's fresh air and sights and sounds untold, and I woke up to a nightmare shrouded in fog and confusion. I wondered how life could go on.

Well, a year and a few days have passed since that horrible day and I've seen and felt the hand of God as many people have minded the gap for me. What do I mean by that?

The phrase "mind the gap" is a verbal and audible warning used on the Underground in the UK to warn passengers to be careful when leaving the tube or train as there is quite a distance between the train and the platform. 

As you might imagine, falling in the gap on a subway would be life changing (or ending).

Grief is kind of like that gap. You know that it's there and that it has to be navigated. Grief is necessary, hard, messy, daunting, unpredictable, and healing. Wouldn't it be helpful to have the help of others when navigating that gap? Well, guess what? God provided that help to me by stationing His people all along the way to help me navigate my grief. 

The grief gap always showed up on special days (birthdays, holidays, etc.). It showed up in my prayer life. Some days I didn't know what to pray or even where to begin. It showed up in my emotions. Some days I didn't want to get out of bed. Some days were filled with tears and some days were dotted with laughter. Some days were foggy and some days were "blue sky" days. Some days it felt like the weight of the world was on my chest. Some days I've felt light as a feather. I've experienced many "firsts" and a range of emotions this year. Some days I put on a mask that showed everything was okay while only a few knew what the real emotions were. By now, you get the picture that grief is up/down/sideways/all over the place! 

Thank God for people that mind the gap! God's grace is so good! Just like the cavalry God sent His body to be rescuers and mind the gap for me!

When I haven't known what to pray, prayer warriors were already praying for me. When I haven't known what was around the next corner, a friend who has experienced the loss of a spouse has given me a heads up. When the dark days of May arrived, my sister showed up to take care of me. When I needed my grass cut, men in the church took care of it. When I didn't have a clue about homeschooling Lily, the home school moms rallied and let me know they were there for us, and would do whatever was necessary to continue homeschooling Lily. (By the way, I can't say enough about the support we continue to receive from the home school community.) When I have needed help with work, my mentor and managers have been supportive, understanding, and helpful. When I needed help planning a trip of a lifetime to begin new memories and cherish old ones, a good friend willingly helped lay the framework for an awesome trip to Montana. When I am around friends, they keep Carole's memory alive by talking about her. Most mornings I awake to a text message from a dear friend that sends a hymn verse, encouraging word, or prayer. Almost every Sunday we eat lunch with a dear family that has adopted us into their family. And last Sunday as I was remembering the events of a year ago, my Sunday School class displayed incredible love and kindness as they hosted an evening of pickle ball, corn hole, pizza and dessert for my family and me. I could go on and on about how God has placed His people in the lives of my daughters and me to help us mind this gap.

Why am I sharing this and why should you care? I'm sharing this as a reminder that in a world full of misery, loneliness and hopelessness, God offers an alternative - JESUS! He uses His children to be salt and light in a dark world. He gifts us with His grace. God cares for you and me! How do I know? Because I've experienced it firsthand.

Paul David Tripp in his devotional New Morning Mercies sums up the body of Christ this way.

"We've all been called to be His ambassadors. Remember, the only thing an ambassador does is represent. God's plan is to make His invisible presence and His invisible grace visible through His people, who incarnate His presence and carry that grace to others. That's God's call to every one of His children. There are to be no self-satisfied recipients, no consumers. The body of Christ is designed by God to be an organic, constantly ministering community."

So, if you have a gap to mind, look around and ask God to send His people to help you. If you don't have a gap to mind, ask God to help you be available to be a gap minder for someone needing help. 

What's next for me? I don't know. But I do know that God has a plan for me (Jer. 29:11), He's lavished His grace on me (Eph. 1:3-14), and He's created good works for me to accomplish (Eph. 2:10). Do I still need help minding the grief gap? Yes. For how long, I don't know. So, to all of you out there helping my family and me - thank you and we love you!